3 Rules for Who you spend time with

You only have so much time to spend, be Careful Who you spend your time with!

We all know it and have probably heard it at some point in our life, who we spend our time with effects who we become.  The Bible tells us the same thing: 1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

What I have found in my life and ministry is the challenge to be choosy with who I allow myself to spend time with.  Perhaps the trap that I fell into is that I have had such a desire to love everybody that I came into contact with that I did not create the right kind of boundaries.  I mean after all I would try to tell myself Jesus said, “love your enemies.” (Mathew 5:44) I’ve learned the hard way that though Jesus said love your enemies and love everybody he didn’t necessarily mean to invite them all into your living room. 

But I am still on a journey trying to learn how to be a little choosier with the people I allow to have access to my personal space, my soul.  Here are 3 Simple Scriptures that helped me and perhaps can help you. 

1.      Know Your Mentors

Hebrews 13:7 Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

Whether you really consider yourself a follower of Jesus or not life is indeed a journey.  The purpose of your journey is to become the best version of yourself that you can be.  If you are a follower of Jesus Christ then you look to Him as your designer and your restorer for guidelines on that journey.  Hebrews 12:2 says Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith. 

On your journey there will be others who have travelled similar paths to you and have advanced beyond where you currently are.  Seek those people out, Learn from their successes as well as their failures.  These can be anything from a business or life coach or mentor, to an older person at your work or church whom you can build a relationship to learn from.  Perhaps you may even ask someone you admire to take you under their wing or give you advice. 

The point is when you have these kind of relationships make sure they are well defined.  When spending time with people farther along in life or business or faith than you, “Consider the outcome of their way of life.”  Would you want to end up like them in 5-10 years?  If not you may want to limit your time with them and not classify them as a mentor in your life.  Now obviously nobody is perfect, but you can usually tell overall whether you really want to emulate that person. 

2.      Know your Metal

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

There are also people you will call friends, who bring out the best in you, who will help you carry your burdens.  They are not necessarily farther along that you or behind you, but they understand the current challenges you are facing in life.  Maybe you are a new parent, have people in your inner circle who are also new parents people who can appreciate and really get what you are experiencing in the moment.  Or maybe you find yourself an empty nester, get some others who are going through the same things.  When I lost my son I joined a grief support group called “The Compassionate Friends” A group of people who really knew what I was going through. 

In this category again be careful, these people are in your life to sharpen you.  If someone rubs you the wrong way, take notice.  Is it in a way that God could be using to sharpen you, or is it just that this person’s presence is more like nails on a chalk board?  Don’t give too much time in this category to people who drain you, these are supposed to be the people in your life who build you up, strengthen and sharpen you.  But in balance also remember your friends are human too, we all have bad days we all have days we need to lean on someone else.  Don’t make it all about you with your friends, but the people in your life who make it all about them are probably not sharpening you they are dulling you.  Cut them out of your life.    

3.      Know your Ministry

Mathew 28:19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

Just as much as you need mentors in your life you also need to help others who are not as far along.  Not only is it a command of Jesus in a life of faith, but I have also learned personally and seen in others that when we pour into someone else is when we really experience great growth.  We dig a little deeper into our convictions in order to explain them, we study a little harder the things we do and believe to best share them with someone else.  And in that digging deeper inside of ourselves we learn so much more about who we really are and how we can become better. 

When we have a part of our lives that we live in service to others we try all the harder to be the kind of person others would want to be like.  There is nothing like having children follow in your footsteps to motivate you to be the best version of yourself. 

Serving and ministering to others also brings about a rewarding fulfillment in life.  Deep down we are all looking for a deeper meaning.  And this brings about a sense of joy.  And such a great joy to see someone else who we have helped succeed in their own right.  3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Keep it well Defined

I have found the challenge is when the defining lines of my relationships become blurred.  I have had people in my life who I spent time ministering to gradually start to assume the role of mentoring me.  Then I have had people who I had spent a significant amount of time ministering to begin to assume a friendship or become friends.  This is not necessarily bad but define the relationship, it is more challenging to try to exercise authority over a friend then someone under your responsibility.  Sometimes the trap for me has been the desire to use my friendships and connections to build a ministry or business.  If your friends want to support your ministry or business great but don’t constantly use your personal contact list to generate revenue, go find new people! 

If you found this helpful you may like to watch or listen to a message I preached titled “Choosing Your Crowd” You can find it here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fq9ZRghtrc&t=10s