God’s Not Done
Today I do not feel much like writing in this journal. Today it is more of a discipline than a desire. Today I am not even sure what to write. My mind is a jumbled mess. Yesterday I noticed the affects of grief setting in, the shock wearing off, the sadness increasing in strength, the fog setting in the lack of concentration.
So today begins the work the hard work. Today I will resolve to live to honor my son. To honor his legacy, to honor his memory. I don’t yet know how but it begins with getting out of bed, of getting up, of doing my best to be strong.
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.
I’ve been reflecting and meditating a lot on this scripture lately, and it has hit me in a profound way as it relates to Nate. The Lord will fulfill His purpose for Nate. Even now. Nate may be physically gone from this world, but there is an aspect of his presence that lives on in his memory, in the impact that he had on the people around him. So even though he is no longer actively pursuing God’s purposes for his life on earth that does not mean that God has abandoned this promise to fulfill the purposes God had has for Nate.
Perhaps this will be my new motivation. God do not forsake the work of your hands do not abandon the tasks the stories, the purposes you have for nates life. Even now I know you can, and you are working things together for good. (Romans 8:28 NLT And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.)
Perhaps there were people whom Nate was assigned to reach with the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God. I pray that those people will be touched and reached as even now new relationships and new connections are being made.
God give me, my family, and others the grace and strength to finish the work you started with Nate. Let us be able to proclaim this promise in Psalm 126:5 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. Oh, it is not easy, it will not be easy, there are days I will not want to even get out of bed. So, God give me grace.
Over the past few weeks, I have been so blessed by Nates friends and classmates as they have come around the farm to help with chores and sat around our table to sit with us and enjoy dinner. Our home is now fuller physically than it was though even in the midst of that there is still an emptiness.
Oh, how I do wish Nate had realized how much he was loved by all theses people. But now even as much as my heart is hurting and grieving it is being filled with a love for people even three weeks ago, I had never met.
For Thane and Owen, and Mat and Dan and Jacob…. Zoe, Kevin, Sheridon,…. And others (If you read this, I want you to know that my heart is so full of love for you.)
These young people are at the core of my prayer list right now, that God would call them to himself. And Ephesians 3:16-19 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
As you pray for me and my family, would you please pray this scripture over us?
Colossians 4:3-4 And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.
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