Harsh and Healing
So, I continue to write, though I am keenly aware that I still cannot audibly talk about my son yet without crying. That is almost without Sobbing. I get choked up. And yet I know that is ok. It reminds me of the old Patty Loveless country song “How can I help you to say goodbye” in the lyrics it says, “it’s ok to hurt and it’s ok to cry.”
The question I ask myself, the question I find myself asking Nate is why? Why did you do this Nate?
In the harsh reality of this season, I am wondering how I like so many others do not take seriously the words written in the Bible. I our, in my desire for a soothing convenient gospel I mentally gloss over the strong words used in Scripture.
Like Jesus own words, In John 10:10 “The Thief (Satan) comes only to STEAL, To KILL, To DESTROY, But I have come that you might have life and life more abundant.”
Am I so naïve to think that Satan is not eagerly desiring to KILL and DESTROY? That he is a harmless little elf. Let me be clear, He is not harmless, not invincible, for He is no match for Christ in me, But He is Incredibly dangerous.
Or perhaps these words written in Proverbs 29:18 int eh King James Version “Where there is no vision, the people PERISH: but he that keeps the law, happy is he.”
Again, “Perish” is such a harsh word, yet I live in a harsh reality right now. The fact is we all do, every day; A Very harsh spiritual reality though we try to ignore it. Yet when we do, do not the consequences eventually catch up with us?
What was the reason nate did what he did? Because he had no vision. No vision for what his life was really like, no vision of how much he was loved, no vision of Hope. And even more importantly He had lost sight of the Vision that God had for his life. As God tells us all, in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
What Jesus said in Mathew 6:22-23 is so true. “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness,
Oh Nate! How deep was the darkness you found yourself in! I mourn for the hole in my soul that you left me with that will never be filled. But I also grieve for the immense pain you must have felt that drove you to make the choice you made. I grieve for the deep darkness you experienced. “How great was that darkness!”
The doctors may say it was over instantly, but it wasn’t. Like a person with a terminal disease suffers till the moment of death. You suffered in your soul, and I don’t even know how long because you hid it from us. Oh, Nate had you only said something! There is help, there is hope, there is healing, in counseling, in medicine and most importantly in Christ!
A piece of a verse from the King James Bible comes to mind “You have not because you ask not.” But the full verse once again is so powerful and harsh. James 4:2 2 You desire but do not have, so you KILL. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
There is health, there is hope, there is healing, there is comfort in God if we would just ask. Even now as I write, as I sob, as I weep, I feel the hands of the Comforter* on my shoulders as He softly whispers in my ear. “That’s it, Let it out…”
Healing and comfort do not come as a result of the denial of pain, or of the hiding of pain. But of confessing the pain, of bringing it to the light. Tears are not a sign of weakness; they are a sing of love. And Love should not be held in, it should not be dammed up, it should be let flow in each and all its expressions. Nate, you shared love, the Love of Christ with so many people. If only you had remembered to ask and receive that love in return that you might have been filled back up with what you had so abundantly poured out.
*John 14:26 KJV (Jesus said) “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”
Dear Reader, whatever grief you feel, whatever pain or heartache you harbor; I implore you. Tell someone, seek counsel, of a trusted friend of a caring mentor, or a counselor or even in deep intimate prayer with the Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.)
Ask and you will receive comfort, and let God’s Light, that heals and illuminates and overcomes all the shadows into your heart. You may very well see things differently when you bring them to the light.
