Knowledge Puffs Up
When I found my son, after the shock and the screaming. It hit me with a finality. He had made a decision and a choice that you can’t go back from.
I’ve mourned before, and for days prayed for a resurrection like Jesus did with Lazarus. (For those unfamiliar wth the story it is found in the Bible in the Gospel of John Chapter 11 verses 1-44, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead even 3 days after Lazarus had died)
But this was complete, it was final. There was no discussion, no chance to help, nothing to prevent, no warning signs.
Of course, there are lingering questions. How long had Nae struggled with this depression? Did I miss the signs? Could I have done something? Could I have said something?
And yet, by the grace of God there is a peace. I have no regrets. I loved my son, I told him I loved him, I showed him I loved him, I talked with him, worked with him, spent time with him. So, when the questions try to rise, I am equipped to say as David said in Psalm 131:1 My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too lofty for me. (Confession, I replaced the word wonderful with “lofty” I like the word lofty, it is found in some translations, and at this time on this subject using the word wonderful or awesome does not seem to fit the mood.)
I will never know, and even if I did, even if I had all the answers right now, if I knew all the details it would not bring my son back, and I doubt it would provide any comfort. Facts seldom provide any real comfort.
There are those who came, even shortly after my loss, with the questions of why what and how. For me this is a mere nuisance and slight irritation. I am strong with the strength Christ gives me and have a grace that comes from years of ministering to others. Yet I have concern for my wife and son Liam. How they might receive these questions.
Perhaps it is in the human heart to try to figure things out, the lie that if we have enough knowledge we can be in control. Control is an illusion. We are not in control of very much in this broken world. Perhaps self-control, and yet even that is a gift from God (Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.)
But even when it comes to self-control how often do we say as the Apostle Paul did in Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
Maybe that is why David referred to it as Pride in Psalm 131 the searching for answers. The pride of thinking we can be in control with enough knowledge.
Had I known what would it achieve? Could I watch that young man every second of the day. Could I control him and make him feel the way he should. I fear the answer is no. Perhaps counseling would have helped, could have helped, perhaps medicine. Even then I could not force him to partake of either.
If you struggle as my son did, I do Implore you to try! To try anything, talk to somebody please! I myself have been through counseling, I myself have had trusted friends to talk to and I myself have taken medication for depression and anxiety when needed to get me through, and I have found hope and healing. It is possible!
But answers to the questions are not what we need right now. We need not wisdom unless it is the wisdom to Love. As John Wesley said: “An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.”
As 1 Corinthians 8:1 says, “We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up.”
I hope that we all in this time make a concentrated effort to build one another up. For the Bible has much instruction on this matter:
1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
1 Peter 1:22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from a pure heart.
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