The Cliché’s and the Questions
At times like this, there are a lot of repeated and recited phrases. Some I appreciate, some make me cringe. Perhaps part of my ramblings today might be words of advice to those who attempt to minister to anyone in the throws of mourning.
For instance, “You Have to be strong.” What does that even mean? When I am hurting, please don’t tell me that I have to do anything. That goes along with the phrase “I have to believe.” (See yesterday’s post)
On the other hand, probably the most honest thing is “There are no words.” Because the truth is there aren’t. There is somehow comfort in your willingness to just sit with me and be with me.
Please be careful when you say, “If there is anything you need…..” often, I hear people follow it up with “I really men it.” As Jesus said in Mathew 5:37 “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” But please, think good and hard before you say this. I know everyone has the best intentions. But if I asked you to take the day off work, to help me, would you? And if you financially can’t afford to, that’s fine, but just be careful when you say you would do “ANYTHING”. Remember, my world has stopped, it has been shattered and your world may continue to spin.
In a past grief journey had someone tell me that they couldn’t make it to the funeral because they had a wedding to go to. If that’s the case, don’t tell me. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.
Please don’t ask me why, please don’t ask for details. If I am comfortable, I will share when I am ready. All you really need to know is that I am hurting. For the moment that is all that matters.
But there is a question for me that keeps coming up, or a phrase. “I don’t know how you do it…” “I couldn’t handle what you are going through…” “How are you so strong?”
And on a personal note, if I might explain. For me, “Nate is in a better place.” Is not just a religious cliché that I say to make myself feel better. It is a truth I KNOW. The Bible says that true followers of Jesus do not grieve the same way others do. 1 Thessalonians 4: Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
Yes, I grieve, yes, I go through a period of mourning, but it is a grief with hope a mourning with faith. True faith has substance, true faith in Jesus has power. Hebrews 11:1 KJV Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
My faith is not a religion, it is the power of God working in me through His abiding Spirit. Christians use the saying “It’s not a religion it is a relationship”. It is not attending church, it is not going to mass, it is not first communion, confirmation CCD. It is not memorizing bible verses or having a “Christian education”.
It is knowing the voice of Jesus, having met him in a spiritual sense face to face. It is Him living in me by His Spirit. 2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
In fact, it is my prayer that through this tragedy if you do not yet know Jesus, if you do not have him living inside of you that somehow you might meet Him. Because frankly I don’t know how you can endure this grief without that strength.
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